One Minute At A Time

The last 11 days have been some of the best in my life. We got to meet our daughter finally! Charlotte Rose is amazing.

I’m still in awe that she was the one living in my stomach for the last almost 10 months. Ben was also off from work and was able to be home with me for all that time as well. He did have to work Friday but was able to do it from home.

But alas, the wonderful 11 days had to end. It’s the end of the beginning… Ben went to work today and I’m home alone for the first time by myself with the baby. I’m not going to lie, I woke up this morning and just wanted to cry. I’m scared of being all alone with no one to help me. I shouldn’t be. I’m more prepared than many people who have babies. I had a wonderful example of a mom in my life and I can call her anytime and she’d be here in 10 minutes. I’ve read a lot. I’ve seen almost all my friends have babies and they survived. But I’m still scared…

As I was praying for strength this morning for the day, I was reminded again of how God gives strength for the days, the hours and the minutes. He doesn’t give it before you need it. He gives it when you need it. My job is to live one minute at a time. It’s very similar to labor where you have to be so present in the moment. You can’t worry about the next contraction or the pushing until it is time for them to happen. Then there isn’t even time to worry. I know God will give me strength for the moments. For the next diaper change, the next feeding, the next time I need to console an upset baby and the next peaceful quiet moment.

I was reminded again of an old hymn that I found very comforting as I looked towards my labor and delivery. It’s called Day by Day:

Day by day and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best-
Lovingly, it’s part of pain and pleasure,
Mingled toil with peace and rest.

Every day the Lord himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He whose name is Counselor and Pow’r.
The protection of his child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid,
“as thy days thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.

Help me then in every tribulation
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faiths sweet consolation
Offered me with in thy Holy Word.
Help me Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E’er to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land.

So far this today (not including the 3 times I woke up in the middle of the night to feed and quiet Lottie) I’ve fed her, got a shower and shaved (that’s a big deal), hushed a crying infant while making breakfast at 11:15 and I even remembered to feed the dog, fed again and had a visitor (thanks Shaina!).

Now I’m back in my chair again feeding Lottie and enjoying the snuggles. I’m trying to cherish these wonderful moments. I know they are going to fly by so quickly. I look at all my friends who have had babies within the last year or so and they are all so big. I know I’ll never again be a first time mom with my first baby. I don’t want to spend my time wishing it away. I know the days will get easier and it won’t feel new and scary forever. Life will return to normal (or the new normal) and I’ll look back with fondness on the early days.